Crushed in Movieland

Shakespeare said that life is a stage and all of us are actors. But I object; I say life is a set in Universal studios and I am the leading lady. Yes it totally sounds moronic doesn’t it? It sounds moronic to me too. But then I have lived many of those eternal love stories of Hollywood. Only, in my case they turned out to be not so eternal. Through my phase of obsessions with movies and guys I guess I forgot to differentiate between both altogether. My first crush was Shah Rukh Khan. Yes the actor. Now almost half the nation was in love with Shah Rukh at that point of time and I am sure, they are still, so I had to do something to stand out amongst those millions. Well I met a friend who was equally in love with Shah Rukh and we decided to be two special ones amongst those millions. We didn’t mind sharing SRK at all. So we started with skimming through 65 Filmfares that I had managed to collect and cut out all the possible pictures of SRK and yes there were fights because most of the times we both wanted the same picture. Finally we had our own scrapbooks ready but my partner ditched me and left for her school. So it was I all by myself to win Mr. Shah Rukh’s heart. I wrote poems for him, I went and saw each one of his films, only to realize that half the nation was already doing that. Any new way I found to win SRK, a million people would already be doing that. Finally I decided to quit and try to win the heart of some less sought after person. In the complete madness of school affairs and giving advice to my girl friends about their boys and giving my guy friends advice about their girls and setting them up, I fell in love with one of the boys in the school. Now boys and girls weren’t really allowed to mix a lot in my school. And the funniest part was, till date I have never spoken to that guy. Heck of a clueless love story I tell you.Chatting with Ajnabis was the in-thing and I started off too. I made a lot of friends online and a couple of them became my phone friends too. But one among them became special, why? I still ask myself. Again thankfully, this movie was incomplete. And I was bored of having crushes for more than an hour. So a guy on a bus stop, a guy at McDonald’s, a guy who comes for a jog to Shivaji Park everyday at 5 pm, went on to be a part of the historical list of my crushes. Now came a time to start another movie because these trailers were too short to to teach me a lesson. So I started a new movie again. This time it was my own version of Best Friend’s Wedding, only there was no wedding and I wasn’t trying to break them up at all. Basically I fell in love with a very very close friend of mine, and here’s the catch he was in love with someone else and this chick wasn’t giving him any ghaas or even phuss for that matter. But I managed to somehow get him to fall for me, or so I thought. Now after the mahashay turned his affections to me, the chick realized that she loves the mahashay. Ab meri prem kahani mein yeh naya twist aa gaya. Bass after cracking a million brain cells over it, this particular movie didn’t have the usual vanilla ending. But the moral of the story is this last movie that I cast myself in, has taught me an important lesson. Now I shall only be a casting director and watch the fun during both the making of the movie and the movie itself. Cause love stories are synonyms to disaster stories…only for me though.

Pang of Depression

Feelings of inadequacy
Sense of insecurity,
Belief in myself shattered,
Dreams lost; uncertainty.

A fuzzy picture,
Of the future,
The past a distant mistake,
Putting their faith at stake,
In the current present.

Storms and fuzzy gray skies,
Leafless trees with green highlights,
Raindrops lashing on the window,
Freezing cold stinging the skin.

Fight the cold,
Walk along,
Open the window,
And face the storm…
No matter what just walk on.

past, past…zoom into the future…

When I was 6….Life was much about the others. I went out with my parent’s friends. My grandma took me to the market and she bought me sweets. My grandfather narrated stories to me. Dad told me right from wrong. Mum taught me how to love. They made the decisions for me, they worried for me, they thought for me, and I was a carefree little child. These people surrounded me and I was doing things they were doing, completely unaware of life beyond them. It was my own little world and I was their world. They were a window and the world outside was an alien universe at which I looked through these windows.

When I was 16…It had all changed, the center of the universe was still me but I was dying to do things my own way. And I had just started believing that the things I was doing were the best option and I could never go wrong. I was meeting ‘my’ friends, I was going to the market and buying myself whatever ‘I’ wanted, I was choosing the stories to hear. The alien universe outside seemed tempting and I wanted to explore it at any cost. Even if it meant jumping out of the windows and running in the meadows till you have left the windows far behind. I wanted to make my own decisions, and yet leave the worrying to the ones who loved me. I wanted to be selfish and expected them to make sacrifices for me. I wanted to take on the rights of being an adult and shun the responsibility… I was only thinking about me.

When I am 26… I will be radically different from what I am today. And I will be disappointed if I am not. I will have seen the world and faced a few difficulties. And have learned from them enough. I will be holding the hands that once showed me the way and taught me how to walk, remembering that I must not hurt them. I will be their window, to look at the new world. A world that has changed as their little girl has turned into a woman. I will try my best to keep sorrow away from those eyes that looked at me with pride all the time and I will make them prouder. When I will be 26, I won’t have to think about these things or plan them. They will come to me naturally, and at the right time. There will be no place for regret arising out of late realizations like this one. When will I be 26?

the valley and the sun

If they ask you who I am,
Just say I m a scent…
That reminds you of the moon
And makes you want to flow
With the springs in the valley…

If someone asks me who you are,
I promise to call you the first ray of the sun,
That feels like a warm fire in the cold of the winter…
If it snows, I’ll write your name on it to melt it away…

When you smile, the sun comes out…
And when I am in your arms,
The sun hides behind the clouds…

When we meet tomorrow,
The warmth of the sun will always glow,
And the valley will look brighter,

But never tell them my name,
And I promise never to tell them yours…
And yet, I will never hide,
The wonderful feeling that is, You

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