Taking stock

It’s the 30th of June! I didn’t think much of it until I read this blog post: http://mysistersjar.wordpress.com/2008/06/30/june-thirtieth/

I realized after reading this post that it is indeed the half year mark for the year. Usually, I sit down in a quiet corner on New Year’s Eve, in the midst of all the chaos and wonder what the year has been like, what I have achieved and how many resolutions I have broken. I make promises to myself that the coming year will be different.

I decided to find that quiet corner right now, today. I want to think about how the year has been so far and I want to decide how I want it to be from now on. So I can just smile and spend the last few hours on New Year’s eve celebrating a year that I had.

So far, the year has been very kind to me. I brought it in with my close friends, my bond with my sister has gotten stronger, my cool brother moved back to India, I lost a few more kilos, I gifted my parents a small trip, I got a job that makes me happy, I got my act together and finished my novel and I have nurtured and been nurtured by some very wonderful friends.

It seems like it didn’t bring any problems with it. Not true, it did bring in a fair share of problems. But despite those I want to be happy about it. I have decided to overlook the problems because I’ve been surrounded by love and loads of it.

Love has come to me in abundance, but have I given back the same amount? I don’t think so. I wish I could be a better sister to Nani, a better daughter, a better granddaughter and I want to be a better friend. So yes the coming bit of the year will be all about giving back to my universe what I got from it- Love, kindness, special moments and the reason to smile.

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Beyond ‘now’

Searching for a new horizon

Beyond the sea, beyond the one I see now

Painted a new colour

Scented with a new odour

Of sweat and tears

Hard days and hard nights

Proving myself yet again

A new struggle, a new future

A new present

But the past remains the same

The past is me,

The past is who I am

And what defines what I’m meant to be…

The fantasy rat-race

I want to be a superhero. I want to fly high, across the world. I want to fly into all the toy stores and get whatever I like. I want to be a superhero.

When I will be a superhero, people will flock around to see me. I will be popular and I will have my own trendy outfit. All the kids in my class will look up to me. I am a superhero. Everyone knows me. I have magical powers to make all my dreams come true. I am a cool superhero.

I have grown up a little. I want to grow more. I want to grow older a little, to watch TV when I want to. To go to the mall by myself and buy myself all the ice-cream I want. I want to grow up a little, so I can finally have a room of my own, a computer of my own and eventually a world of my own.

I have grown up a little more… I want to end up in a great college, a great college with great friends and a great degree. I want to have loads of cool friends around me. I want to have loads of fun. I want to be able to do all those things college kids in the movies do. Flirt a little, play a few pranks and have big laughs.

I have grown up a little more. I want to end up with that person I fancy. I want him to hold me; I want him to whisper sweet nothings to me. I want him to fancy me as much as I fancy him. I want us to hold hands at sunset on a long, lonely beach. I want him.

Oh man, time has passed. I have grown up even more. I want to land the best job with a great pay-packet. I could use that money to get fancy things for my Mum, Dad and friends. I would spend money I have earned doing things I have always wanted to do. Go to the pub, go shopping, travel the world.

Time has passed yet again. I want to get ahead of all my contemporaries. I want to be the most successful one. I want to have a fat bank balance, a plush apartment, a fancy car and of course everything fancy. I want to be known as the best of the best. Wherever I go, people should talk about me. They should know me. I should be respected.

Now I am an old lady, watching the sunset in the distance. Trying to point to that long lonely beach, I may have walked in my fantasy… So what if my fingers are crooked and my vision blurry? I still fantasize…