past, past…zoom into the future…

When I was 6….Life was much about the others. I went out with my parent’s friends. My grandma took me to the market and she bought me sweets. My grandfather narrated stories to me. Dad told me right from wrong. Mum taught me how to love. They made the decisions for me, they worried for me, they thought for me, and I was a carefree little child. These people surrounded me and I was doing things they were doing, completely unaware of life beyond them. It was my own little world and I was their world. They were a window and the world outside was an alien universe at which I looked through these windows.

When I was 16…It had all changed, the center of the universe was still me but I was dying to do things my own way. And I had just started believing that the things I was doing were the best option and I could never go wrong. I was meeting ‘my’ friends, I was going to the market and buying myself whatever ‘I’ wanted, I was choosing the stories to hear. The alien universe outside seemed tempting and I wanted to explore it at any cost. Even if it meant jumping out of the windows and running in the meadows till you have left the windows far behind. I wanted to make my own decisions, and yet leave the worrying to the ones who loved me. I wanted to be selfish and expected them to make sacrifices for me. I wanted to take on the rights of being an adult and shun the responsibility… I was only thinking about me.

When I am 26… I will be radically different from what I am today. And I will be disappointed if I am not. I will have seen the world and faced a few difficulties. And have learned from them enough. I will be holding the hands that once showed me the way and taught me how to walk, remembering that I must not hurt them. I will be their window, to look at the new world. A world that has changed as their little girl has turned into a woman. I will try my best to keep sorrow away from those eyes that looked at me with pride all the time and I will make them prouder. When I will be 26, I won’t have to think about these things or plan them. They will come to me naturally, and at the right time. There will be no place for regret arising out of late realizations like this one. When will I be 26?

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She…

She was walking down to a place, where she was going to be completely alone. She had chosen that path and was warned but now as she walked, she felt the confidence with which she had justified her path melt away and an unknown fear build up… She was unaware of what was to come, who was to come or where she was to go. She decided to follow the path till she could, but she couldn’t resist looking back, at what she was leaving behind. She kept looking until they faded away; it faded away and then she couldn’t see anything. It was a big black void she was looking back at and then she stumbled and fell. She lay there hurt, waiting for them to come and help her, to comfort, to take care of her, but they didn’t come. She lay there until she knew, she was by herself now and she needed to pick herself up from there. She had to comfort herself. She was the only person for her now. She looked back one last time, at the dark void, where her family was or had they gone… At a life which was hers but was it now? She walks until she sees a ray of light. And she sees something new- a new country, new people and above all, a new life. This is her future, and the fear melts away and the confidence builds up yet again. She knows she can do it without them, because they are miles away-emotionally and physically. And then she breathes in…. That is how freedom smelt….

Freedom smelt just like fresh flowers for a butterfly, it smelt like a new patch of grass for sheep and probably they didn’t even realize how sweet it smells-freedom. To her it smelt like how it smells now. She felt like she had had a blocked nose and suddenly a whiff of fresh scented air had come her way. It felt like that whiff reached every cell of her body and made them feel anew. Freedom was the scent of satisfaction. She had never smelt it before, but it was amazing to identify it by its scent. Its scent can’t be felt by anyone but the one who feels free. Free as a bird to explore new skies, free as a bee to find new flowers, free as a dog to find a new place to hide his bones.

But… The chains binding her, were actually her roots. The roots that made her stand tall and strong. They were the roots that made her and they weren’t gone at all. They were with her. Without them she would be body without a soul, a mind without thoughts and a heart without feelings. She had a new life, she was reborn but this time, she is born with her roots, her values and she is a baby adult…Maybe!

Some Girls

Some girls just don’t give up
Some girls never try,
But I never give up on trying…

Some girls wait for luck to strike,
Some girls do things their way,
I do things my way until luck strikes.

Some girls just seem romantic,
Some girls way too practical,
But I think I am romantically practical.

Some girls are so sane,
And some are just so insane.
But I choose to be sanely insane.

Some girls are way too modern
And some just way too conventional…
Look at me; I am conventionally modern.

Some girls want a prince charming,
Some girls just want a special guy.
Yeah! I am looking for a special prince charming.

I am not like some girls,
And yet I am like some girls.
But I don’t consider myself special.
Because to be ordinary is so very special!