A Complicated Status

‘Did you check facebook? She’s now listed as single!’

‘Oh I want to know what their scene is. Apparently both of them changed their status to ‘in a relationship’ at the same effin time!’

‘So am I allowed to hit on him if his status message is ‘it’s complicated’?’

Yeah, the above statements are extremely common in most conversations. Facebook is the fastest way of documenting your life and making sure your friends know what really is up with you. It’s probably a good thing according to Ms. PiWi. ‘We knew this couple from college who were so into each other, we knew they’d make it. When I bumped into the guy recently, it was natural for me to ask him about how girl was doing. And he just said they broke up and it was so damn awkward!!’ Ms.PiWi is sure that had he changed his status on FB and had she seen it, this incident would have been avoided! 

Well the relationship status also comes as a life saver when you are fishing for a prospective boy/girlfriend. Says a keen observer, ‘My friend liked a guy at work, they flirted a lot and all until one day she googled him and found his profile on facebook. He was in a relationship and my friend just withdrew from all the flirting.’ Of course, there’s another question that remains unanswered by the relationship status on FB. If someone’s relationship status is ‘It’s complicated’, what does that mean? Is this person in a relationship or out? If they are making it public that it’s complicated have they broken up? If they haven’t said they are single, re they still into the person?

According to some that status comes up when you’re in a place where you’re unsure whether you want in or out of a relationship. Some said that it was that confused stage that comes right before you start or end a relationship.

Basically, it’s complicated when you and the concerned person hit troubled waters. My take is, if your relationship is in trouble, you stay in and work it out or you opt out and choose not to work it out. I can’t understand why there’s the need to have that grey area. Anyway, a relationship status is something meant for the external world, so what are you conveying by putting the trouble in your love life out there, open to public? “I’ve never specified my status on Facebook. I don’t think it’s the kind of information I’d like to give out to all and sundry,” says AB. However, he thinks that people might change their status to ‘It’s complicated’ just to let people know that they are not comfortable talking about their relationship.  

The awkwardness could be because of trouble or uncertainty, that varies case to case. 

It’s not just trouble. It could be lack of clarity, problems that come with long distance, confusion about your or the partners’ feelings, a big decision looming or anything!’ says Mr. Bachna Ae Haseeno, who so far has been brining to my notice a fresh perspective on facebook relationship statuses. He further explains, ‘Assuming the person is a regular on facebook, you need to understand how often their relationship status changes. If it changes a bit too often, assume it is purely for attention.’ That makes me wonder, is putting your relationship status out there every time there’s a minor shift in the dynamics of your relationship just a ploy to get more attention from your partner or friends?

‘I have changed my status for the fun of it and nobody but my close friends gave a shit about it,’ says Mr.Shady. I myself have seen people suddenly ‘married’ or ‘in a relationship’ for the fun of it and I don’t bother commenting, so I understand Shady’s take on it. But Kris thinks a change in a relationship status creates too much chaos. He was in a complicated place for a year but didn’t bother budging from single to avoid the drama. I agree, the last thing you need in addition to your complications are dramatic responses to your status change.

Moral of the story: Think before you take the leap, but think thrice before you change your status.

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Gender Bender

‘What did I ever do that you found such a weird name to give me?’ I remember asking my Mom every single day when I was a kid. Yes, I was the girl who was always asked ‘Why do you have a guy’s name?’

Then I became the girl who was called ‘shakti kapoor’ ‘shakti man’ and what not! The worst day of my school life was my 11th birthday. The school would put up your name on the notice board with flowers to wish you a happy birthday and I was pretty kicked about it. So imagine my horror when they wrote my name as Mast. Shakti Salgaokar on the blackboard! As I stood there in front of the highly decorated notice board, watching my dream wilt through the haze of my tears, every single person passing pointed to me and laughed, ‘They thought you were a guy!’

I went on to be a tomboy who took great pleasure in thrashing ‘stupid’ boys. Of course, terrorizing the ‘stupid’ boys helped. The jokes on my name obviously stopped, but somewhere, the guys all forgot I was a girl.

Of course, through college I continued to be a tomboy and only discovered the joy of being ‘girl’ like recently. That’s a different story (you can read it here). I love my name, it’s different and I have found peace with being myself!

So why am I writing this? Because something happened and I am revisiting my childhood traumas. You all know how super thrilled I am about twitter (In case, you don’t, here’s a post about it). My twitter updates have been regular and random. And I’ve even made a few friends on twitter! So anyway, I suddenly changed my twitter avatar to a nice picture of myself. And immediately, I was flooded with @ replies asking me if that was indeed me. And two tweeple actually were surprised I was a woman!

Of course, I don’t know if they were disappointed I was a woman, but I was in a bit of a shock. Did these tweeple not a get sense of my gender from my tweets? Or am I still that tomboy I used to be? I am a bit baffled. Anyway, is this a side effect of the cyberworld? You can’t see the person you’re interacting with, all you have is the assumption you’ve made about them!

PS: Check out twitter if you haven’t already done so!